This blog appeared on the Healers Magazine this month. The image is “Winged Ballerina” by Rachel Derum

Have you ever seen a rabbit leap into the abyss of its hole? No thought. No contemplation. No worry. No fear. Just a simple move to escape, to hide or to win.

This has been the pattern for years and yet, until just recently, I wasn’t aware of the immensely notorious resolve it was for outside circumstances.

I would find myself thinking or even silently whispering to another, “Ugh! I’ve gone down the rabbit hole again.

Shame set in. Fear isolated me. And worry took the best of me.

Someone would comment and I took it to heart. I could feel the unsaid emotions. I could sense the unexplained nonsense. I could NOT distinguish them from me, so I took it to be mine. Selfish, I know. My own need to be self-centered thought this was my way for growing, for understanding and for living.

Recently, I was sitting at a concert. A performer was singing the song, “Defying Gravity” by Idina Menzel. In her song, the words went as such, “I think I’ll try defying gravity. And you can’t pull me down.”

t hit me like a lead brick.

What if …All. This. Time. I was avoiding being me by leaping, in the blink of an eye, down the rabbit hole?

What if…All. This. Time. I was being SELF-centered – focused on me, me, me as a little version of all I could be and not really knowing who I was. So, of course, the natural reaction was going down the rabbit hole. It was classic avoidance and playing small in a world that seemed way bigger than I understood. Being only focused on the self, did not allow for the deeper connection to a higher power.

That way bigger feeling I was sensing did not get the honor and respect it deserved. As I would leap down that hole of hiding by way of anger, resentment, and silence, I was shutting off the supply to an unlimited source of freedom and joy.

What if…The. Real. Truth. Is. Being self-CENTERED. And what if this is the real path to ultimate freedom and joy. The dare to defy gravity, because gravity is the natural reaction to life on earth, means to rise up from the depths of who we are and allow who we are to shine above all else. I needed to trust in that higher power to have my back each experience where being me was a much better and more worthwhile maneuver.

I’m thinking (and feeling, and sensing, and knowing) that rabbit hole was a safe bunker to numbness so I did not have to be in my truth.

As a natural-born empath, I am sensitive to the tendencies of others. I feel it all – their conscious maneuvers and their subconscious mechanisms. I feel it all!!

With no formal education to fully understand how that energetic loop can take over, I did what any typical human would do, I made up reasoning that seemed sensible and logical. This reasoning became instant belief systems and thus over-powered my daily life. It was the sergeant in charge of dictating my every move. A very delusional act upon my-self.

And what did it teach me?

In all effort to bypass the inevitable intensity of an empathic loop, I leaped into that rabbit hole and believed all the lies about what that energy meant. Such a delusional act upon my-self.

And then I got curious (or maybe desperate) to live life a much happier and with way more freedom. Being chained to the habitual rabbit hole just seemed to not give way to joy as it did before on so many other occasions.

Day after day, I would question, and sit to hear the universe responding. The 360 degree shift happened one moment when a text came in and I felt a force hold me in place. I heard the small whisper, “This does not work anymore.”

I questioned differently.

What if being self-CENTERED is more about taking great care of me staying in one spot…THE spot…and not leaping down the rabbit hole?

What if being self-CENTERED is more about trusting you are exactly who you need to be and where you are?

What if being was more important than doing anything about my feelings and emotions?

What if owning all of me (the light and the dark) was the exact spot to being centered and the only spot where Source energy could fill me up?

In the wave of curiosity, my entire life took on new meaning, more purpose, a joy blanketed over, and freedom was offered up. A conscious lifestyle was being given to me for the being (not for the doing).

Do you have rabbit holes that you hide in when fear, anxiety and tension arises?

Shift your questioning.

Turn your what if questions from negative to positive. I found myself saying, “What if she hurts me again? What if this feels like that time when…..” By shifting these questions to a more positive vantage point, I naturally moved the energy so that my life could expand.

Get clear about what you want.

Keeping myself safe was fear controlling me. Clarity around my heart-felt desires spoke louder. What I really wanted was joy, freedom, and to be awakened. Once I got super focused on those desires, life shifted.

Have fun with trying new things.

I had to get outside of the habits that had been created around people and experiences. I began doing little things that were not my norm, like going to the movies alone, eating something new, and driving a different route. These small behaviors fueled me confidence to try bigger power moves. Each time a played bigger, I felt more and more confident. It crushes the need to hide in the rabbit hole.

Are the rabbit holes still near?

Well, yes they are. Because sometimes a little peace and quiet in a safe spot is exactly what the heart, mind, body and soul need to breathe.

XO,

Kristi