In the movie The Wedding Planner with Matthew McConaughey and Jennifer Lopez, there is a scene of pure awareness.
Steve (played by McConaughey) and Fran (his soon-to-be wife) are in the park minutes before they walk down the aisle to become man and wife.
Steve asks Fran, “Why do you want to marry me?”
Fran immediately begins to react and her fears become very evident. He asks again claiming a sudden truth that needs some knowing. She projects her deepest fears upon him, “Are you leaving me on the day of my wedding? She even runs off.
In this truth-telling moment of raw honesty, Steve says to Fran, “If you really love me and want this wedding/marriage, I will put my cumber bun on and do it.”
She clarifies, “You would do that?
He affirms, “Yes. Yes, I would.”
She hesitates – you can honestly see the revelations she is having on what might possibly be in her shadow….all those people, all the wedding planning, her parents, the roles they have been playing, etc.
He looks her in the eyes and asks, “Are you ready?”
Swallowing the gulp of a persona that has been built over lifetimes, she whispers, “Yes. Yes, of course.” She unconvincingly smiles.
How many times have you also been in Fran’s shoes…saying “YES. YES, OF COURSE” to experiences, relationships, moments?
We all do it. It is part of the learning evolution our soul enlists upon our birth when we say yes to this lifetime of getting to know ourselves and learning to trust the deep desire of the soul to expand its awareness.
The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are. -Carl Jung
In this moment, Fran whispers to Steve, “I just need a second.” Her emotions sound as if she is drunk on something very toxic. You can feel it on her face. She walks away and you can visually see her fighting an inner battle. She even says to herself, “Oh God.” As she turns to look Steve in the eye.
THIS is her moment. It calls to her. She cannot run anymore.
Raw honesty with our heart and soul cannot be hidden away in shadow to what is truly our light and what might become our shining moment of clarity, truth, and love.
Fran gulps in air and breathes a few heavy sighs – SHE is accessing her sacredness for truth…her truth.
Steve holds out his hand offering to her the external wish. And with a quivering lip (because our body is breaking open to our own light and divinity), SHE speaks truth and looks into his eyes and proclaims, “NO. I don’t want to get married.”
The truth will always set you free.
We just have to be willing to say YES to what our true devotion is that bubbles within like a volcano ready to erupt.
The question is NOT “How do we make these great and powerfully truthful choices?”
In choosing, there are many factors that play an influence to the defense in our minds. There are 2 theories at play in the game of life.
The first theory that wipes out the truth, raw vulnerability and accessible freedom is “Life happens to me. I have no control over what happens. I only control how I view it.”
In essence, this way of thinking leaves you out of everything as if you are only a spectator. And the only joy or gratitude is sitting on the sidelines to enjoy some popcorn while watching everything play out and reacting to even the slightest wrong move by the world at large. Basically, your mind and body become a playing field that relies on the toxic maneuvers of your external reality.
Current neuroscience and depth psychology concur a whole new theory. Carl Jung, a swiss psychologist, in all of his research and testimonials showed us an approach whereby YOU are the creator of what is playing out in your external reality.
Your mind is a powerful system for amplifying images in our field of awareness. This system of thoughts, beliefs and narratives keeps us chained to an existence that circulates a commonality within our body and our external reality. No amount of woo-woo can bypass the inner workings being created in your mind.
In essence, one must own their own reality.
In the movie, Fran’s choice to go ahead with the wedding plans would have created a much different reality. Just as Steve’s choice to ask questions because something was stirring within him and elevated his curiosity.
The energetic frequency of the universe gets your attention by a swift nudge (mostly felt in the heart or gut area), a constriction (often felt as a tightening in the shoulders or lower back), an event (orchestration of a sign, symbol, chance encounter or situation). These attention seekers create a disruption that signals to the brain to make way for curiosity – questions, inquiry, etc. – which the brain is formulated to do as a mechanism for information processing. Meaning, your brain is wired to desire to gather information in order to make a uniformed decision that will keep you safe and secure. This wiring system is activated the moment the universe sends the energetic frequency to get your attention.
Have you ever burned your finger or mouth cooking? When I am cooking, I can get distracted and begin thinking about other things or sometimes, I begin singing and laughing with my family. An event happens in this state – I pull out the pan from the oven and touch the side of it. I use a spoon to taste the soup and burn my tongue. This event (which could also be a feeling of a nudge or a tightening) leads to by brain questioning and getting curious: What is happening here? Scan for details and information. Where is the harm or threat? What seems reasonable and non-threatening? What are the choices? Which one will keep me the safest?
In a matter of seconds, I decide and will ALWAYS choose what is safe. The brain does not differentiate positive or negative aspects of such events. It only delineates by feelings of safe or not and this always concurs with the representation of an emotion.
Our choices are governed by emotional agency. How we interpret the emotion that arises during such vibrational and energetic exchanges in our everyday life determines our response. It also determines our defenses.
Over a period of time, our responses and defenses can become habitual whereby they create patterns for living our life.
Most of us can have awareness of the thoughts that simply don’t serve our deep desires. Getting to the heart of the matter, which is the discovery of the emotion that leads to your external reality requires a transformational process to locate that which is hidden from your awareness.
In the Jungian Coaching model, that inner work is called shadow work. Love-YOU-ary month of February is a great time to feel the nudge to your truth calling for you to be open to the emotions orchestrating your choices, your relationships and your life.
Emotional agency is a practice where you can learn to allow your emotions (you know it only takes an emotion 90 seconds to be released out of the body…that is not very long) so that you can have deep understanding to the narrative that began that electrifying volcano in your body. By allowing our emotions to surface and release, we are less likely to project that inner warfare onto another person or situation. And we are more than likely to accept all of who we are as like a kaleidoscope with all parts creating a full and conscious life.
Living a full life in a conscious way is NOT about being sappy and Hallmark all. the. time. It IS about building awareness to who you are and what you want thus leading you to why you do (and don’t do) what you do.
Carl Jung said, “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you are.”
The energy of 2022 is embodied truth. It is time for us to be like Fran, “with a quivering lip, she speaks her truth.” Her body had awareness, thus the quivering and facial expressions. Her mind was definitely holding on to the masks she had created by her many roles in her relationships to others.
Truth, at the heart of it, cannot be denied.
What’s the ONE thing YOU can do during this Love-YOU-ary month?
I am serious.
Watch your emotions. Feel your emotions. Get curious about your emotions. Develop an inner dialogue with your emotions.
When we deny our emotions, we deny our truth. And our mind constructs a narrative – a belief system or paradigm – that concurs this is your truth. Lies, in this way, are illusions conjured up for false sense of security and more of a running away like in the Run Away Bride movie or like you probably did as a kid when you accidentally broke something or spilled something in the wrong place. The mind can orchestrate powerful narratives that bypass our truth.
It will lead you to an inner power surge that will feel like you traded in that Sentra for a Porsche. You will upgrade your external reality to a life beyond your wildest dreams.
If you are looking for coaching in the area of emotional agency so you can connect to your truth and have clarity with regards to your life choices, book a clarity call. Together we can explore what might be a way for you to have what you want. Once you get clear about what you want, it will lead you to who you are. And, my friend, you are worthy of peace, joy and freedom to have a life beyond your wildest dreams.