Two years ago my husband came to me with a request. He asked, “You know my dad has to move out of assisted living. I don’t think it is best for him to go into memory care given his personality and behaviors. It just won’t be a good fit. What do you think about him coming to live with us?”
My heart sunk.
My eyes filled with tears.
My breathing stopped for a moment.
This was definitely one of those defining moments when instinct and intuition intersect and form a doorway. When doorways come into our existence, they are opportunities AND they are choices.
Doorways hold energy, frequency, and vibration. Think about all the many doorways you open in a day, in a week, in a month and in a year.
You open a bathroom door, a bedroom door, a car door, a house door, the door to your office or work, the door to the grocery store (or another store to shop), the door to a place of worship, the door to a friend’s house or your family’s house, the door to the taxi or Uber, the door to the airport, the cabinet door for food, the refrigerator door for more food, the oven door for cooking, the dryer door to cleanliness and so many other doors I am certain are out there.
Each door you open is an opportunity because it is bringing you something you need or want and with that comes to your own growth and evolution. Opening doors is always a choice. Do you open and go all in? Do you open a little and peek in? Do you keep it closed?
Every choice you make holds energy, a frequency, and a vibration. AND depending on how your body and mind view that choice, they are opportunities to grow and evolve or to sink into the abyss.
YOU are an energetic field (because we are made up of energy-producing particles in motion – this is pure science of quantum physics…look it up if you want to know more) and within that field of energy is your body that, because it is energy in motion, it vibrates.
Are you with me? (if not, put a tuning fork ( or anything else that mimics an object vibrating) in water and you will see it send ripples out in the water.
There are certain aspects of your choice-making that either keep you in an elevated state of vibration or they shove you into low vibration.
High vibration choices are those that make you laugh and smile, feel your heart light up, allow you to bop around with enthusiasm. You know those right? It might be things like vacation, shopping, coffee with friends, time with family, receiving a compliment, etc.
Low vibration choices make you feel heavy and anchored into a force pulling you down. This might be like saying yes when you want to say no, going to a dead end job, in a relationship that is not thriving, etc.
The more we are making choices that honor our own personal and individual frequency, the better our chances are for growing and evolving in a natural state. This means nothing has to be forced. There is an aligned flow about what is happening and how it is occurring.
We are meant to be high vibrational creations and our mind, body and heart crave these high vibrational states.
Sometimes, in our human-ness, we find ourselves in low states of energetic frequency experiences for a couple reasons –
- We have become distracted and are NOT aware of what is good for us.
- We have been conditioned to LIVE in this state and do not know of another way.
- The comfort of the uncomfortable has become normalized and thus we think this is life and the best it will get for us.
THE GOOD NEWS…all of these can be changed by opening the door when it becomes available to you.
That day 2 years ago when hubby asked me that VERY big question was a doorway. I looked at him and replied,
“I get this. No is not an option. Yes is going to be hard.”
That is exactly the purpose of doorways…to bring us into a new way of living life. They help us connect with our center and the essence of who we are. They lead us to our own authenticity.
Now, sometimes and probably more often than not, doorways are openings to pain and discomfort and agony and challenges and unanswered questions and tormented curiosity. I believe this is why we are given the doorway…because it leads us home.
Doorways rewild us to be acutely aware of who we are.
To bring out your strength, you need to have an experience that can make you stronger. To bring our your bravery, you need to have an experience that requires your act of self-bravery. To bring out your courage, you must re-enact an experience so you remember who you are. Doorways lead us to those experiences that awaken our own sense of self-discovery. Any experience that awakens you is the doorway…an opening…to whatever comes that needs to come and to whatever needs to go, to go.
My father in law living with us for 18 months and 10 days (YES, I counted because it was a challenging opening for me) was a doorway, an opening and lead to wonderfulness coming in and old aspects going away.
It required my own awareness of energy, vibration and frequency. That awareness was brought on by me learning skills for reclaiming my own authenticity…that wild nature within my heart that allows me to be curious (which is a natural state of being for us humans), that wild freedom to explore and discover what is best for me and what I need, and the wild sense of peace that brings balance.
In the midst of taking care of him, I learned to take care of me. More importantly, I learned to desire the act of mothering. Mothering is the very simple yet challenging inspired actions of self-love, of centering before going into the wild (meaning our world at large), and of trusting in my own instinct and intuition to work together in tandem for my highest good.
Mothering is mystical. There are no rules governing how you should mother yourself because they simply do not exist. Your soul leads the way for you to make choices that ultimately are aligned to what works for your heart, mind and body. Your soul knows how to guide the learning and the lessons that will help you evolve into higher states of energy, vibration and frequency. Your soul connects you with who you are and allows you the freedom to be wild, vibrant, and live by a sense of knowing.
Mothering is the soul awakening.
Have you ever had a nightmare and woke to your heart racing, your eyes zipping around in fear and trepidation, and your body wanting to run?
If so, how did you find comfort?
You either snuggled up with a loved one ( a mother, a friend, a partner or a pillow, a blanket, etc). The point here is YOU found comfort outside of yourself.
When we open a door into the darkness (often referred to as dark night of the soul), we can only be comforted by what lies within. And that energy within where we find peace, loyalty, love and security IS the very act of mothering. Mothering is a choice to accept all of who we are and consciously begin to honor all aspects of our spirit and our human-ness.
My father-in -law recently passed on to his new season of living. In the after-life, I believe he will be comforted by all he choose to do and all he wanted to do. It was the biggest challenge I ever agreed to and it taught me the biggest lessons. Opening that door in August 2017 changed my life for the better, was the darkest experience I ever agreed to and taught me soo much about standing in the truth of who I am.
It is always easier to notice the gifts the doorways and openings bring AFTER they have ended, gone away or when you can muster up the courage to look back.
Relationships are holy ground for learning. The relationship with my father-in law was the polarity of love and hate. I can authentically say that with only the best intentions in my heart for both of us.
We are here on Earth to learn, to evolve, and to love immensely. It takes us hating in order to find the purest kind of love. It takes us struggling to find our own strength. It takes us holding on to find a way to let go.
“In every creative act or transformation – intellectual, emotional, or physical – the male and female, the active the passive, are of equal importance.” -Helen Luke
Fear is a doorway to love. What we fear the most IS the opportunity to open up the abundant nature of love itself.
And in relationships, when we can witness that fear, we have the ability to witness the equal and opposite force of love.