I walked off the plane so excited to be home. I had been to Florida with a friend of our family and it was a fun experience. As a 19 year old, all I wanted was to get back to school, my friends and my apartment. I landed in St. Louis and was headed to Columbia, Missouri.
As I entered the waiting area, I saw no one. I looked all over and still no one. My heart sunk! (I am aging my self when I tell you this was before cell phones, so the only way to contact was a pay phone…..yep that was it…AND you needed a quarter to call.)
I found a spot and waited. Exhaustion and irritation set in and these are not a marriage of love. Rather they were igniting a sense of fear in me. I knew my mom and the rest of my family were at the beach in Florida so they were not available to pick me up from the airport. I was waiting on my dad to get me.
I waited. I waited. I waited.
I did somersaults in my heart between pissed off and scared.
Have you ever felt that way? Wondering if someone would show up for you?
It can be a death grip on your heart and a tornado of thoughts whirling around in your head. Believe me….the heart and the head do NOT work together when this takes place.
Once in that state of fear, it is challenging to switch it off.
My dad finally got to the airport about an hour late, which put me an hour late to return to the apartment. The switch was stuck in fear.
If you’ve ever had a moment similar to mine, you know that it triggers a fear that influences your next moves. It is not so much that the event triggers the fear. It is the perception of intent and the event details that simultaneously trigger an identity crisis. Meaning the thoughts running through my head and the feelings stirring in my heart ignited a voice whimpering, “What is going on? Am I not good enough for you to show up for me? Am I not worthy?”
I had forgotten about this event until a most recent happening opened that identity crisis AGAIN. You know what I mean right?
I was attending a workshop and the speaker gave these directions…”Look across the room and with your eyes locate a partner.”
I gently scanned with my eyes and saw a lady across from me. I looked upon her. I studied her. I listened to the next set of directions and kept my glaze upon her.
Her hair was dark and a bit wavy. She had a warm smile on her face. Glasses hid her watery eyes. She had a sweater draped upon her shoulders which I am sure was to keep her warm. It was chilly in the room.
I saw her.
I felt her heart pumping. I felt her inner nerves as she rubbed her hands into each other. I felt her kindness as she grinned and let out a small chuckle during the exercise.
I saw her and I felt her heart.
AND…..in that moment…..I was crushed, broken-hearted, and so uncomfortable.
AND….in that moment…..I felt small and nonexistent.
AND….in that very moment that I shared my vision with her…. SHE DID NOT SEE ME!!
She was looking at someone else. She was smiling and gazing upon someone else.
When the leaders asked each participant to hug your eye partner. I left the room feeling small and invisible.
It was a crushing feeling of unworthiness. I felt left out, like I did not matter. My heart was broken in that moment.
As I snuck out of the room…..it got me thinking……
I wonder if the people in our lives (our children, our partners, our friends and our families) feel that way when we are too busy for them, when we are too focused on outside matters for them, when we are stressed about the outer things in life and DO NOT SEE THEM.
In our children, these kinds of experiences create ever-grounding voices. These voices continually grow and build a foundational stream of consciousness called intuition.
How we show up for them instructs their intuition to show up for them…to be a trusted source….to acknowledge emotion but not be the emotion….to guide wholehearted choices for a well-lived life.
See we either show up in fear or in love for EVERY moment we have with them. The manner in which we choose to show up projects a messaging onto each of our children.
With Facebook personas and the competitive edge within our society, it is challenging for parents. We desire for the best. We want them to be liked and fit in because secretly, behind the closed doors of our closets (when no one is watching us) we fear that if our child does not fit into the mold that society deems necessary, all is lost. And we are lost as well.
In order for our children to evolve into their most authentic self, WE, as the family leaders, must show up for them by SEE-ing them. It is an ultimate freedom we are given as birth members of the world we live in. We are free to see! It is as if our children are saying to us, “RSVP – Please respond!” Or, in a simpler version, “Please be there for me. See me! Hear me! Be with ME!”
AND…the only way to see them, hear them and be with them is to show up for them in the only way possible….being present in EVERY moment with them.
My heart charge for you is a series of reflectives:
v What blocks you from showing up for your son or daughter?
v What distractions from the past or in the future are chained together thereby not releasing you in the present?
v What fears are blinding you from SEE-ing the other person (your child, your partner, a friend, a family member)?
v Are you showing up for others in the way you show up for your SELF?
v Are you showing up for yourself?
See….most of us do not show up and stay present with who we are SOOOOOO we do not show up for others either in a whole hearted manner. It is not an intention to do so…..it is often a habit. AND, the good news is that habits can changed.
Staying present with EACH moment, EACH person, and EACH emotion is the sure-fire way to show up and breathe through the “thousands of our SELFs” that will appear in our life time. Knowing that when we show up for ourSELF, we will also be showing up for others in the same way….pure LOVE!!!
I DARE YOU – RSVP to your own life and watch the magic happen as you will be magnetically showing up for others as well!!
You can reach Kristi at firstname.lastname@example.org
Comments and questions are welcome.
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