Every beginning has to have an ending. The start of something new and unknown and uncharted and truly desired beyond your wildest dreams has to come from a place that has never been traveled before.
Death scares us. As humans, we do NOT like endings for they bring about emotions that we have not yet mastered. And many of us have spent our entire lives avoiding such emotions by way of distractions and addictions that have consumed much, if not all, of our energetic resources.
We have been on the search for the best possible avoidance campout we can find. For some of us we have deliberately (whether consciously or unconsciously) sabotaged all good things that came our way for fear of the very best life could offer.
Little did we know that in our hearts and souls, the truth has waited patiently for our coming out of the slumber.
The other day I lay in bed completely immobilized from significant trauma induced by a lifetime love affair of my heart. Amidst my incredible sadness and deep pain, I heard it. For the first time, I heard my own heart beat to a rhythm I had never felt before.
As tears streamed down my face and my gut rumbled at the uncomfortable feeling an attack has on the body, I opened my eyes to the silence of my own heart beating. It’s rhythmic salutations invited me to hear its sweet serenade. It was loving me back to life. That sweet silent interlude of notes threaded together to enchant me to not give up on me. I was worthy of so much more!
My heart was not breaking. In fact, it was whole and it was hearted together with a fierceness that cemented my truth. I was able to cultivate a safety net in that moment woven with truth and love. The tapestry of this moment held the most hurtful reminders of abuse and mean-spirited love-induced actions along with the gentleness of love’s caress.
Brene Brown writes, “Worthy now, not if, not when, we are worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is.”
As I listened to my heart beat and my soul’s voice begin to whisper a sweet serenade, I slowly understood what I had been doing for all of my life. Playing it small. Sitting back and waiting. Wanting so much for them to be who I wanted them to be and who I felt they could be. Staying quiet. Taking it all. Laughing when I wanted desperately to cry at the antics that hurt. Smiling to hide the incessant need to scream in rage. Running circles in egoic patterns that only left me bruised and worn out. Draining my resources in the effort to make peace so no more harm could come my way. Empty and exhausted. A normalized way of life that my soul has been agonizing over for years. This is what it means to be as is and feel your worthiness and your belonging is no longer to them and their struggle for truth. Your belonging is now to your Self. Loving yourself is the only way to rise.
Loss is felt in both the body and the mind. The body signals to us that it is feeling its way out of the fallen place. For me, this feeling resides mostly in my gut although lately I have been feeling it in the back of my neck and upper back. For those are the energy centers that take the most beating when I find myself in the space of self-worry and self-loathing. In other words, when the attacks happen, I spiral into old patterns of hating myself and wishing I would not feel this way and wondering what could I do to escape this escapade yet again. The mind reverts into overdrive to reveal our darkest systems of thinking. Loss shows us exactly as we think and how we see ourselves. Loss is the feeling of lack, something is missing, and wanting it to be different.
While there may be an actual physical change that takes place – a loved one is no longer around, a job gone, a relationship break-up, or a move to another location, the far greater understanding is that truth never leaves and the only truth that is real is love. So, when things end, there is a love that remains. That love is your inner sanctuary where your soul reigns and your heart beats. When our physical reality experiences a loss, it is our heart and soul that can be revived again to beat and sweetly serenade us back to love. Love is always available.
A Course in Miracles states, “Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.”
Attacks to hurt and cause harm to another really cause no harm to the truth that lives within our heart and soul. Yes, our ego can get bruised and feels the daggers of the painful attack. Yet, our truth can withstand these tests. Our truth resides in God’s hands and the Universe knows exactly what you need to hear to rise up from the burning ashes of the hurts and the pains inflicted.
We cannot change the behaviors or actions of another. We have no control over what another chooses to do in their own agony. We can only stay true to our most precious essence…the truth of who we are.
Healing is transformative when we are willing to allow the changes that meet our highest need and our heart’s desire. I have been yearning for peace for some time now. In my quest, I always felt close to it, yet there would always be a lingering of something that felt unresolved. I knew I had a tight grasp of the unknown. I also trusted I would feel peace when I fully aligned to what was for my highest good and knowing it would be for the good of all as well.
Healing is about making up your mind to feel different, to see what’s good for you, to know what is not good for you, to choose you over and over and over again. Healing is the great presence of remembering who you are. It is up to you and your heart and your mind for the choosing.
Healing is the beginning when you transmute all the uncomfortable experiences that may have brought pain in any way to you and you feel them from the rising up fiery force of love within you. It is in this pause that you enter the energetic gateway to your whole new world. A new life force begins to rise within the embers of the fallen ego. This movement will transport you to new heights and you will no longer be that old self in the small world you created so that another could be okay. You will choose you first in every way.
And that is when your mantra becomes – I love her and that is the beginning of everything.
The language of love becomes your heartfelt vocabulary. Courage becomes your way of life. Strength becomes your vehicle for rising. Peace becomes highly coveted and nothing will stand in its way.
How do you create a new beginning from the ashes of self-doubt, self-worry, and self-loathing?
Every day in every decision you have to make and in every circumstance and with every person you meet, you ask yourself, “Is this peace?”
Peace is love. Love and fear cannot co-exist, so what is loving is peace. What feels good is peace.
Fear is not peace. Love does not hurt. Love does not control. Love leaves open space for growth and change. Love understands and has compassion. Love does not require attention. Love allows all of another to show up. Love forgives. Love is kind and caring and caresses the soul. Love is not manipulative or lying. Love is not shameful or guilt ridden. Love does not say have to or should of. Love has no expectation of perfection.
If you are experiencing any of these, that is not love.
The more you act on the sacred calling of your heart and soul getting curious and asking, “Is this peace?”, the more you will attract only which brings you peace. Saying a big fat NO to those aspects of fear and control and manipulation and harm and mean-spirited behaviors will make way for the awakening of what is truly meant for the highest good for you. Trust this.
And as you move through the beginning of everything, keep your heart and soul on repeat, “I love her and that is the beginning of everything.” You will never go in a wrong direction for loving yourself more.
You can reach Kristi at firstname.lastname@example.org
Comments and questions are welcome.
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